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Looking... [Feb. 22nd, 2005|10:02 pm]
I'm giving this a try. I've been trying to find God for about a year now. I've been an atheist for about 3 and a half years now. I found God at one point last spring, but it didn't last long. I feel as though having faith would be good for me. It's not that I have any problems holding me back. I just can't believe. Any input is appreciated. And believing would be beautiful.

From: solusfides
2005-02-23 11:44 am (UTC)
well, I guess the first thing is, to tell us some of the questions that keep coming back at you...
Share your thoguts, history, that kind of thing. Let us know what you've been working with.
And what was it last spring, that grabbed you?
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From: thisisacomma
2005-02-24 01:25 am (UTC)
There aren't really any questions holding me back. It's just a matter of finding faith and believing, which I've been unable to do. And last spring I was in love with my boyfriend at the time. And he believed, so one night we were talking about God and everything he said was just so beautiful that I couldn't not believe. But he broke up with me the next day which cause me to stop believing shortly after.
I don't really know what else to say, I just want to believe.
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From: solusfides
2005-02-24 02:00 am (UTC)
I don't really know what else to say, I just want to believe.
How are you pursuing this want to believe?

What about what your boyfriend (at the time) said that so enamored you (beyond the fact that it was your boyfriend saying it?)
Or to ask another way, what attracts you to this faith, and what would you like to know more about?
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From: thisisacomma
2005-02-24 05:41 pm (UTC)
I'm just trying to find faith. But it's not working. And I dont exactly know how else to pursure it.
But my bf at the time had said a lot, but the thing that stands out is when he said he considered me his gift from God. You must admit thats a beautiful statement.
Faith is a beautiful thing. And beauty is always attractive. To have that faith would be amazing. I think it would make my life even better than it already is.
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From: solusfides
2005-02-24 07:14 pm (UTC)
he said he considered me his gift from God. You must admit thats a beautiful statement.
it's both a beautiful and Powerful statement, and it is hard when you consider a gift, to correctly take care of it.
You are a gift from God, and that does ask a lot of how you take care of yourself, and take care of others.

Faith is a beautiful thing. And beauty is always attractive. To have that faith would be amazing. I think it would make my life even better than it already is.
At the same time, you will want to ask about the semantic meaning behind "Beauty."
I would agree that Faith is beautiful. Faith may very much define beauty, to turn it around. Faith is a support, and it is soemthing that takes effort, it takes time, it takes change, and it takes Vulnerability.
The Christian Faith, specifically, is something that is beyond religion, and that's what's cool about it. It doesn't claim to be just a religion, but it claims to be something that you walk with, in Spirit and Truth, your very essence, your whole body. By claiming to be truth, it's not just an organized religion that holds sacred pieces of land as part of its very definition. It points to Christ, and the Body of Christ, which is us. WE are the sacred thing in Christianity, our lives... and more directly, our relationship with God.
Thus, again, it's not just a religion (and to complete the phrase that has become an unfortunate cliché) it is a relationship.
thus, there lies a deeper beauty: of relationship, truth, spirit, body, etc. It is ALL of our very life, in communion (interaction, communication, a deep sharing) with God, who has created us that we might share life with him. This is all very interesting, how a God who lives in Eternity (that is, when he said he was the God of Abraham, Isaac, and Jacob... he meant it quite litterally) decides to create a temporal world in which to share with us, and to reveal himself to us through time and history.
And then, He demonstrates his love to us even more, by becoming a human (both God and Man, mind you... an intersting paradox that only God could pull off) and lives with us, and dies at our own hands... But he knows this, and makes use of this to become a mediator for the things that we have put between our relationship with us and God. He then further demonstrates who he is, by returning from death itself.
He then EVEN MORE enhances our relationship with Him, by enabling us to have a part of God himself live with us... IN us. This is the Holy Spirit. Who will be with us as a guide, and more directly, as an enabler to do the very things Christ as done. To help us in changing lives (including our own), to heal, to speak words to help and guide others, and to intercede (stand in prayer and support) for others when we aren't quite aware of their needs. When Jesus talked of the Holy Spirit after his resurrection, he told us "You will do greater things than even I have done." And if you think about what he has done... dood, that's pretty cool. But what we do is not something that we ourselves, on our own power, will do, but what is done through our relationship with God. God works through us, and with us (both parts must play their role in that relationship).
Now, being that this is a relationship, that doesn't mean that we push a button, and it gets rolling on its own. It requires action, dedication, and vulnerability on both sides. Just as it would between you and a boyfriend. Just as all those lamentable songs of relationships gone wrong, we must not let it go with the words "I thought we held no secrets from each other. Why didn't you tell me what you knew?" (words in "No Ordinary Morning – Chicane: Behind The Sun). A relationship requires interaction and communication. God wants to hear your voice talking to Him, he wants to play the role of the one that will never leave you, if you will let him.
I think I'll let you respond here, I've said enough for the moment...
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From: thisisacomma
2005-02-25 01:18 am (UTC)
Those were really strong words. I honestly feel as though I'm one step closer. But I'm not where I want to be yet. Thanks. :)
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From: solusfides
2005-02-25 02:01 am (UTC)
well, think about those a bit..
tell me what it is that has brought you "one step closer." and what questions there might be from those.
The final step of a relationship with God is initiating that relationship.
That is a simple prayer, telling him that you want that relationship, and that you want the Holy Spirit in your life. From there, it's just the beginning.
Maintaining that relationship is one of prayer and scripture (communicating with God), being with a church family (communicating and having a relationship with others who can support you and keep you accountable), and sharing with your closest friends, so that they can also keep you accountable, and help you explore your relationship with God further. I understand that your closest friends may not be in this kind of relationship... and that can be challenging. But we're here for you as well. Find us on AIM, on LJ, on e-mail, and call us if you need someone to talk to directly (I'll give that to you, if you ask).
There's some great books on developing good habits for these kinds of things, and those habits can immensely enhance your relationship with God. Many of those habits, I'm still working on, myself.
And remember, nothing is immediate, as relationships aren't immediate.
Shalom! (Hebrew meaning: peace, grace, and all the blessings of God being wished upon you)
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From: solusfides
2005-02-25 04:08 am (UTC)
I am curious about one other thing.....
you say "I'm not where I want to be yet."

perhaps I might need to ask, where do you want to be?
or in other words,
is there something you are wanting to hear that will make this whole thing work for you?
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From: solusfides
2005-02-25 04:57 am (UTC)
you see, the thing is, is that I feel I'm grabbin' at straws here. I need to know where you're coming from, what you've experienced. I need something to work off of, in order to help you with what perspective you're coming from.
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From: jeffthewookiee
2005-02-23 09:19 pm (UTC)
First of all, welcome! It's great to have you here.

Second of all, I'm WorkingWookiee on AIM if you'd like to talk more about God. I can't say that I've got it all figured out myself. At some point I found God and I've been chasing him ever since. But you sound like you're chasing him also, so maybe we're headed in the same direction, just at different points of the road.

I'm more than happy to talk to you about anything you're interested in. Just tell me what you'd like to talk about and we'll dive right in.
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From: major_penalty
2005-03-04 07:06 am (UTC)

it worked for me

When I wanted to have faith, but didn't, I got on my face and passioniately cried out to God to take my life and basically come get me .... and He did. I didn't do anything else after that - no Bible reading, no church .... just lots of sin. It took several months, but He is real and He was faithful and He did come get me and He did take my life.
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