|"i want to see you"
||[May. 1st, 2005|03:40 pm]
at church today, the pastor preached on john 3. straight up you'll never be good enough so trust God's grace gospel. i sorta missed it thinking and writing about the worship songs but i feel like i didn't miss much. except since i just said it was the gospel, ... i just wish there were more teaching. if i were a seeker i guess i'd want to hear the gospel... but i'd want to hear how it applies to life, not just that it's good news. how shall we live in the light of this truth? that's what i'm seeking. tell me things i can't relegate to sunday.
we sang "open the eyes of my heart Lord, i want to see you." that reminds me of the scene in "raiders of the lost ark" where they open the ark and there's nothing but sand. they're disillusioned and angry. then the sand stirs, and a beautiful ethereal face comes out. they see the face of God. the unholy priest guy says "it's beautiful!" then the face turns into a lion and the presence of God commences whipping about the mountain, burning their flesh off of their bones and blowing up their heads. so i don't know what everyone else was singing about wanting to see, but that was what i was thinking and wanting. not some cuddly personal relationshippy dude in a toga, but the fire of truth that burns me up, and the grace that somehow keeps me from being consumed.
i don't want to leave the people in this church but i need depth, i need something bigger than how i feel. i'm lately getting the feeling that if i try to tell them some raw truth maybe they'll do the same for me and we'll find grace together. it's a rather uncomfortable feeling.