|Getting older all the time
||[Dec. 30th, 2005|10:15 am]
I have been a Christian for most of my life, having accepted Christ early in middle school. My immediate family is not Christian, and going through public school, very few of my friends were Christian. I came to view my Christianity as deeply oppositional; I was surrounded on all sides by people who neither believed what I believed, nor were very interested in my faith. I developed a deep understanding of their spiritual blindness and their inability to comprehend the word of God or the life of our Savior. And in those days when I was growing to be an adult, I found myself drawn deeply to otherworldliness, asceticism, and a preoccupation with the hereafter. Truth be told, the here was a struggle for survival, mentally, spiritually, and emotionally. Some days I'd have just as soon wished that it was all over and I was already in glory. Having developed a deep distrust of the material things of the world and a growing sense of their emptiness and inability to satisfy my deepest hungers, I was reluctant to look forward to participation in the world at all. Wasn't the life of Christ one of poverty and sorrow? Didn't He warn that the love of the things of this world was hatred towards Him? How then could I place my hope, and effort, and ambition into making my way in the world? Having most of my attention consumed with questions of money, occupation, and things? |
Over time, I did indeed survive in a hostile world as a Christian. I found that I could indeed have an occupation, money, and things. From a troubled teen, I emerged a reasonably stable adult. Otherworldly things grew farther away and I lost the conception that I was here today, gone tomorrow. I discovered that life is longer than it seems. As an older child I learned that the things of this world were chains to be broken; as a young adult I learned that living a life with purpose requires finding a means of living. Living requires money, an occupation, and things. The passions I had left behind as love of this world as a young Christian returned to me as an older one. In them I found reflections of deep, God given purposes. I found a deep hunger to be important, to take up arms against a hostile world and to make a mark for God. I found the love of creation and a desire to create. I found a deep hunger for leadership and excellence. Above all, I began to desire not my flight from this world, but for a lifelong adventure of being called to serve God in the world, hostile as it may be. Having been otherworldly as a youth, I am now much more this-worldly as an adult... eager to find my place, eager to make my way, and passionately seeking my calling.